RELEASING THE SHAME

A few years ago, I asked you to work with me and help me continue to grow and evolve spiritually. Ever since then you have provided me with opportunities to do just that. Most recently, you have reminded me to let go of self-judgment and blame. As Don Miguel Ruiz reminded me, in his writing about the first agreement, it is important to take responsibility for my actions but I should not judge or blame myself for anything. I thought I had been doing well at this until the last few weeks when I have found myself getting angry with myself for being incontinent at times. I would feel myself, especially when tired, getting upset with myself for not being able to make it to the bathroom. Thinking about this in terms of being impeccable has helped. I have had to work at being able to say what happened, but not feel shame or blame myself for something that is out of my control at this point in time. I am so grateful for my wife who has been so supportive and understanding, especially on those days when I am tired and begin to shame myself. She gently reminds me that I am the only one who is shaming me, nobody else in our household is. It has also reminded me how important it is to be the sacred observer and question what I believe about myself to say shameful and blaming things to myself.

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SPEAKING WITH INTEGRITY

Dear God,

I am grateful for this month of reflecting on my own worth. In doing so, I have been reminded of how important it is to me to speak with integrity. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a colleague recently about knowing when to allow myself to speak and when I need to breathe love into my being and remember the Sufi teaching about the questions I must answer before speaking. Is what I want to say truthful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? It parallels the teachings of Toltec Wisdom and don Miguel Ruiz about being impeccable with my word. When I speak with integrity, I am only saying what I mean and when I combine it with the Sufi teaching; I know that how I say what I mean also comes from an intent of love.

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A MUSICAL TRILOGY

Back in March of this year, so not so long ago, I remember reflecting on an old Beatle song, Let It Be. Yesterday, I was reminded of the importance of those words one more time. I remembered that it is what it is, nothing more or nothing less. In this month, when we are focusing on forgiveness of self and others, I found myself having to practice what I teach. I learned that someone I trusted had failed to tell me they could no longer uphold their part of an agreement. I have to admit, my first reaction was “seriously, you are just now telling me this and you have known for months.” Then the emotional work on my side began as I realized that I was sitting in judgment of this person and the situation and the Beatle song began coming back to me, just let it be.

My conversation with this person had caused me to lose balance temporarily. That did not make either of us right or wrong, it was the Ultimate Creator’s way of helping me in my own journey and maintaining awareness of what the Ultimate Creator was doing for me in that moment. So I had to let it be!

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WITH EVERY WORD I SPEAK.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for all you have taught me about hearing how I speak and the intention others hear when I speak to them. One of the things I have come to realize is that I have not always spoken to myself as lovingly as I do know. I used to think it was a good thing that I could speak to people in such a kind way that they did not realize they were bleeding until after I had left. I used to think that was a good thing, but then I realized that the intent behind the kindness was not coming from a space of pure love and compassion.

How could I be loving and compassionate with others, when I was not even being loving and compassionate with myself. So thank you for modeling for me how to be more loving and compassionate with myself. 

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